After many years of dreaming about it (and countless google searches, emails kept in my draft folder, endless tabs kept open), I finally went to a meditation retreat!
A week at a stunning new Buddhist meditation centre, tucked away in a lush mountain forest in the highlands of northern Thailand. It was glorious. So good I wish I was back there now!
Some of you might know about vipassana retreats. They’re the 10 day silent retreats where you do 10 hours of meditating per day. You give a donation only, and in return get very basic shared accommodation. Wake ups are around 4am and sessions go through to the evening. There’s no speaking, no eye contact really, no yoga or exercise, no music, no food or drink other than the breakfast and lunch provided each day (yep, no dinner). There’s no moving allowed during meditations. And you have to hand in your phone for the entire 10 days.
This retreat was no vipassana. These days I don’t know how I’d feel about the rigidness of the approach and the lack of comfort (maybe not the meditating bit, but the shared basic sleeping arrangements and no dinners). But mostly it’s because I can’t give up my phone for a whole ten days. Sad, I know, but I’d need someone to take care of my responsibilities for that time.
There’s other, softer, meditation retreats I’ve looked into over the years. Most of them come with meditation as the main ‘meal’, with a mandatory ‘side’ that is a sightseeing itinerary. These retreats offer meditation but to me they seem more of a group holiday of shared cultural experiences (or cultural appropriation, depending on how they land with your perspective).
And then I found this meditation centre in Thailand. Its mission is to bring accessible meditation techniques to the western world through teachings by the Buddhist monks who live at a monastery next door. It was relatively quite affordable. It was the perfect balance for me!
The retreat came with the most delicious, exquisitely presented Thai dishes for three meals a day. Cosy little glamping tents with simple single beds (Steve and I had to stay in separate tents and we spent the entire week in a gracious blend of shared and independent experience).
Each day consisted of about five hours of meditation led by the monks, and two hours of lessons on meditation and Buddhist philosophy by a very wise young monk, Monk New.
Some of the meditations went for nearly 2 hours straight. And I loved that. It felt so good to wake up each morning before dawn and walk up the steep hill to the peaceful meditation ‘hall’ (a large marquee with open-air sides and a full terrace overlooking the forest below), to get comfortable, wrapped in a blanket (it was cold up there!) and then to close my eyes again while the monk led us on a “Loving Kindness” meditation. It felt good to know that even though we were cocooned away from the shit-show that’s happening right now out there in the big wide world, we were busy sending out heartfelt blessings to everyone ‘out there’.
It was so quiet at that time of the morning. Midway through our meditation the calls of unfamiliar forest birds started as they woke to the dawn. We’d open our eyes at the end to see that daylight had just started to filter in.
During the rest of the day the sessions included silent meditations, mantra chanting, assisted visualisations, focusing on the 7 bases of the mind, lying down meditations and more.
I especially loved the walking meditations. Monk Kevin liked to start by walking normally, and we’d follow him, our bellies still full from the yummy thai lunch. We walked to the rhythm of a continuously repeated chant of a Buddhist mantra, “Samma Arahang”.
After a while Monk Kevin would slowly slow down the pace to the point where we’d be walking so slow it was hard to walk without crashing into him! This required mindfulness and a lot of focus to consciously relax. Try it sometime! Try walking so slowly that it’s hard to balance, and keep doing it for a long time 😉. Then we’d settle on the terrace, a breeze caressing our faces, and continue with a silent, seated meditation.
Some meditations were amazing. Peaceful and calming. Transcendental. Reassuring and reaffirming and deeply satisfying. Some afternoons I even struggled not to nod off, and as someone that can never take an afternoon nap unless I’m sick, that was quite remarkable in itself. Two hours would totally fly by and I’d feel bummed when it was over.
A few sessions were a struggle! My leg would go numb, a spot below my shoulder would spasm, my mind would travel all around the place and zigzag from conversations I’d had at lunch with our meditation buddies and the monks, to family struggles, to sorrow and shame and regrets and painful memories, to a longing for other things. All over the place. Those meditations felt like hours and I kept wondering if the Monk had fallen asleep and forgotten about us.
I learnt so much that was valuable. Especially about Buddhist wisdom. And the monks taught us a beautiful middle way approach to meditation, one that is accessible to everyone (see my take-home tips below!). It was an approach that solidly confirmed to me that meditation SHOULD be done by everyone.
I don’t really like that word, should.
But there you have it. I’m saying SHOULD.
We should all do some meditation. Lots would be better!
The monks at this retreat (and I think around the world) want to help EVERYONE find their way to their own inner peace, to reach an understanding and acceptance of human nature and the human experience. They understand our minds are the cause of all suffering. That our egos and emotions and thoughts and feelings are not our fixed identity. That we can release struggle and find truth and acceptance. That we can achieve peace and joy in stillness, and harmony through sharing loving kindness.
Huh! The goals and benefits of meditation are huge!
And there’s no religion necessary, no worship required, no conversion attempted.
What a beautiful mission these Buddhist monks have. To reach world peace through inner peace. What a Herculean lofty goal!
And oh my Buddha, wouldn’t world peace be wonderful.
But let’s reign it in for this blog.
The main, simple lesson they taught was that meditation is a vital tool to help us get through our days and that meditation can help us to become better people… and that in itself can only be a help for not only our own lives, but the lives of those we connect with.
Even knowing all this, it can be confusing to figure out exactly how on earth to actually meditate, right?
Is it a time for contemplation, cultivation, manifestation?
Or is the point to simply relax – to give ourself a break from a stressful, busy day?
Is it a disciplined practice that’s spiritual or is it religious? Is it the only path to true “enlightenment”?
Do we need to completely empty our mind and think about NOTHING? Or is the point that we must anchor our focus on a single point of focus in order to clear our mind?
Do we ‘watch’ our breathing? Do a body scan? Maybe chant or recite affirmations? Listen to a voice guiding us to a cleansing waterfall or a warm, tranquil beach?
Hmmm it’s no wonder many of us don’t ever do it, or start and stop, with so many confusing interpretations and preachings and apps around this wonderful and profoundly essential activity.
To me, I think it is all of the above!
Clear as mud?
A way to understand the value of meditation is to think of it as a shower for the mind.
We wash our bodies right? Most of us daily. If we didn’t, after a few days we’d start to feel it. And if not, we’d soon start to smell it. Others would notice.
But what about our mind? Why do we never consider taking care of our minds? The mind also gets dirty. From stress, worries, overactive thoughts, heavy emotions and more, the mind collects many contaminants as we go throughout the day. Unlike our bodies, if we don’t shower our minds it won’t be detected by sight or smell. But people around you will notice it… when your mood stinks.
Meditation is a way to shower our mind.
And the goal of meditation, is stillness.
Our mind is like a bowl of impure water that becomes cloudy when it’s agitated. If we let our minds find calm and stillness, the dirt will settle to the bottom and the water in the bowl will become clear. And in that stillness is where you’ll find clarity and peace. You’ll be on your way to finding your own inner truth and wisdom.
Whether you’re a dedicated meditator or someone who’s only dabbled in it, I think we all know meditation is good for us. At the very least you’d have read that it is. The masters have said so for millennia. Contemporary scientific studies prove it. Every self help guru espouses it. Some corporations are encouraging their teams to do it. Even some schools are teaching young kids the beauty and benefits of it.
We all know we should practice it. But how many of us do?
Not enough of us, that’s for sure.
Is it because you don’t have enough time in your day to just sit and do nothing? Or you tried but you just couldn’t get comfortable and you hate sitting still? Maybe it hurt your knees? Or maybe you don’t actually really know how to start? Maybe it’s just too boring and not your thing! Maybe you’ve tried and found that it wasn’t good for your mental health at the time (for a few people, meditation can lead to negative feelings).
Or is it because after a crazy busy day you just want to escape with a movie or binge on your favourite series or scroll through your social media?
I know for many people it’s because they’ve got a lot of energy and life is far too sedentary anyway so they feel that any rare and precious spare time is better spent working out or running or catching up with friends or playing sport!
Someone once said:
‘If you don’t have time to meditate,
it means you need to spend more time doing it!’
I’ve enjoyed meditating for many years now, and when I do it simply makes me feel better.
Whether I’m feeling frazzled or tired, confused or overwhelmed, upset or just fine… a meditation always helps in some way. But still, even with the win-win results I know it gives me, I’ve only ever practiced in spits and spurts, never really getting into a regular groove.
Years ago when I was a busy stressed out vet and mum, I learnt that meditation doesn’t have to look like a serene faced smiling devotee sitting in full lotus position chanting “ohm” for hours on end.
After my marriage ended I went twice a week for a while to talks given by Buddhist monks and nuns in Burleigh Heads. I just loved their sharings. Pearls of wisdom and lots of gems about how to handle life and our own emotions, thoughts and feelings. Each session concluded with a guided meditation. After each session I’d feel calmer and stronger for days.
Meditation comes in many forms and is an invaluable activity to introduce into your every day. Especially if you find it hard to stop moving. Or if you find it hard to calm your mind.
All it requires is a few minutes, so that it’s literally a pause in your day, a pause from the busyness of life – to close your eyes, breathe slowly and just give your mind a break.
Mindfulness is a great place to start. Years ago I started closing my eyes whenever I brushed my teeth, being in the moment. It’s one easy habit that’s stuck.
I used to eat so many meals on the run or over the sink or behind the wheel. I found that by changing that habit to eat slowly and mindfully, it helped me regather my thoughts or give my mind a break.
A meditation book I read once, suggested I take the opportunity when stopped at a red light, to turn off the radio, soften the muscles in my face and sit in stillness for those 30 seconds.
When I had to walk anywhere – to my car, the shop, the office – I’d stop somewhere for a moment, lift my face to the sun, or down to a flower, or out to the horizon, and take 4-10 slow steady deep breaths.
Precious little pauses to help me settle throughout the day.
Simple, easy habits I introduced into my life that stuck.
That same meditation book taught me a great walking meditation. Living by the ocean, I’d pull off my boots at the end of a crazy day at work and walk along the beach. Not ruminating on the day’s events. Not contemplating ongoing cases or tomorrow’s schedule of patient consults. Not on edge wondering if my phone was going to ring at any moment with an emergency call-out. Instead I’d count, in my head, in time to my steps, whether fast or slow, this ‘mantra’:
1,
1,2,
1,2,3,
1,2,3,4,
1,2,3,4,5,
1,2,3,4,5,6,
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,
1,
1,2,
1,2,3,
1,2,3,4,
…and so on
Try it! It’s not so easy at first! When I started this technique I’d get only one or two rounds in before I’d realise my mind had totally run away again and I was thinking about a horse or a client. So I’d bring my mind back by restarting the counting. Mindfully observing each step, left, right, left, right, and counting 1,1,2,1,2,3,1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4,5… and maybe I’d reach the magic 9 a few times before my mind would go off wondering again. Our minds sure have a mind of their own! Eventually, with practice, I found that I could walk without working. And that I could walk without thinking of all my daily chores and replaying stuff I just didn’t need to replay.
Rather than it being a stress to remember to count, it became a tool to stop thinking.
I still use that walking meditation technique today whenever I want to calm my thoughts or regulate my emotions and become more mindful of the present moment.
And then there’s all the meditations I do with my yoga. These are usually gentle visualisations, or watching your thoughts pass over like clouds, or focusing on the breath. Sometimes they’re an intention setting exercise, or an affirmation contemplation.
Life with Made had lots of meditations, both in the Hindu temples in Lombok and at home on Gili Meno. I loved reciting the Hindu gayatri mantra as their way of meditating around prayer times. The gayatri mantra is the most powerful mantra in the Hindu religion, and it’s a mantra I’ve shared to help calm not just myself, but my little grandsons. I use it as a lullaby to help them fall asleep. And yes, meditation using a mantra can absolutely be a lullaby.
So! Meditation. It’s clear as mud, right?
I guess the point is, meditation comes in many versions and with many techniques. Not just vipassana.
And the point I’m getting to, is that any meditation that benefits you, is a good meditation.
Along with all those non-conventional meditation styles, here are some precious tips that I took away from the monks in Northern Thailand, on how to “meditate”:
- If you have time before starting a session, move your body a bit. A slow gentle walk around your space, yoga, or some gentle stretches.
- Relax your body. Test different positions to find what works best for you. You don’t need to sit cross legged! But if you do, you can sit on a cushion to make it easier on your hips, or put cushions under your knees, or use a back rest. It’s absolutely ok to sit in a chair and, if you do, consider your posture, pelvic angle, and even a back support to find a comfortable and sustainable position.
- Take a few deep slow breaths before you start, deep inhales and long exhales, to gather calmness and to come ‘into your body’.
- Find the balance between relaxation (of mind and body) and awareness. Not too alert or tense, and not too comfortable that you’ll fall asleep. Find ‘the middle way’.
- Close your eyes slightly and softly, not completely, not forced.
- Put a slight smile on your face 😌.
- Start slow! Five minutes a day is fine! Increase the time gradually. Or find 5 minutes just 3 times per day. Link it to a habit, like when you first wake up, or before your morning coffee, even while the kettle is boiling. Maybe in the shower, or before you watch your favourite show, or for a few minutes after you finish your lunch. Find what works for you and what sticks.
- Walking meditation is wonderful! Play your favourite meditation music track, or repeatedly recite a mantra (it can be any words you like, for example “clear and calm”, “love and peace”, “let it be”, “let it go”), whichever technique works for you and helps you to feel calmer. Or use the counting technique I love!
- Learn and use 3 favourite techniques like visualisation, mantra, observing your breath, or loving kindness. If your ‘monkey mind’ is wandering off, offer it a ‘banana’ (ie one of the techniques) to come back home.
- After your 5 or 15 minute or 2 hour meditation session, it can be a great time to apply your clear, rested mind to spend time on contemplation or focus or journaling if that interests you. One of the monks told me, “If you’re thinking, thinking, thinking but you just can’t find the solution you need to find, then just stop thinking. And the solution will come.”
- Most importantly – if your leg goes numb, or your back aches – reposition. It is absolutely ok to move! Not everyone can sit on the floor – it can simply be too painful. You don’t need to sit perfectly still if you find your focus is being pulled away to a pain or if you’re getting bitten by a mosquito or you need to go to the toilet. It’s ok to reset. Readjust, get comfortable or move to a chair, and restart.
- And another most importantly – if you find your mind has gone off wondering or wandering on its own, or random thoughts are bombarding you, open your eyes for a moment, reset and restart. That’s perfectly fine! Don’t force yourself, don’t scold yourself or get frustrated, know that it’s perfectly normal and a good thing! If you do notice when that happens, it means you’re developing awareness and that’s a first valuable step in the development of your meditation practice.
- Frequency is more important than quantity. Two 15 minute sessions per day are better than one 30. Three 5 minute moments are better than 15 minutes. If you like and want to do it longer, you don’t need to sit perfectly still for the entire duration, you can start walking and then sit. You can start on a cushion and then move to a chair if that works for you.
- And lastly, don’t take yourself too seriously. The Buddhist monks in Thailand and the ones I met in Australia all had cheeky senses of humour and love to giggle at themselves.
The catch phrase of this meditation retreat was
‘to rest your body, recharge your mind and revive your spirit’.
They did a great job of that. I commend them, and recommend the experience. It’s a gift.
In this day and age especially, with the unprecedented levels of stress, anxiety, burnout and depression (and craziness?!), I believe if every child was taught how to meditate, and carried that tool into their adult life, the world would simply be a better place 🧘♀️ 💙.
Me? I definitely need and want to meditate more. Because any time in the day that I choose to hit that pause button to calm my nervous system, stop the overwhelm for a little while, give my mind and body and eyes a much needed break, I know I’ve chosen wisely.
Maybe one day I’ll tackle a vipassana retreat somewhere in the world, if I can just get someone to take care of my phone for ten days 🤔. I know many people rave about them. But then again, maybe I won’t; I think perhaps the ‘middle way’, as taught by the monks at this retreat, is a healthier way for me 😍.
