Three little things to help us while we Stay At Home

So we find ourselves now living in a time of chaotic isolation. Or isolated chaos. A friend said to me today that maybe introverts are happy as pigs in clover! But for many people, forced isolation is making them feel a bit stir-crazy. And for some, stress levels are hitting the roof.

I’d like to share with you three ways that might help you at home, as we all navigate a myriad of emotions brought on by this Covid-19 pandemic. These ideas are from techniques I’ve learnt from living the last few years on a tiny Indonesian island. 

It’s five years ago this week that I first arrived on Gili Meno. The weather was perfect that day. The water was a brilliant blue, calm and clear.

My nervous system needed time out in a quiet place. I just knew, in the ten minutes it took me to walk to my hotel (dragging my suitcase in the sand from the harbour), that this was the place for me.

Five years ago I lowered my shoulders, breathed, slowed down and started to believe it was ok to smile again.

 

I learnt about pranayama

Like many people I know, before coming to this little island, I’d endured way too many years of high stress, and way too many years of being way too busy, and when Harley died my nervous system took a dive. Between the tidal waves of tears my breathing was either too fast and shallow so that I was almost hyperventilating, or I’d hold my breath and my body would tense up, frozen.

I spent a couple of months in retreat in Bali before coming here, doing yoga and other therapies, and I was introduced to pranayama. For some of you pranayama may be a new word and you may be wondering if it’s some airy fairy yoga thing? It is a fundamental part of yoga, but put simply, pranayama is the control and awareness of your breath.

You don’t need to be a yogi or “breathwork expert” (yes, that’s a thing now) to know that our neurological systems are wired to handle stress in a few specific ways: we all know about the fight, flight, or freeze responses. In those responses, your body automatically reacts by increasing your heart rate to send vital oxygen to your muscles. Your body releases adrenalin and cortisol, the stress hormones which increase your breathing rate and heart rate, so you can flee and fight. Or you might hold your breath while you freeze. Your ears and eyes become more alert, your body tenses up, and so on. It happens automatically. It’s normal, to help us deal with any threat or worry or fear that confronts us.

What’s not always commonly realised is that the opposite actions, which we can all do consciously (ie not automatically), can actually reverse the fight, flight or freeze responses occurring in our body. It’s quite logical, but of course when we’re scared or anxious or dealing with chronic stress from a traumatic event, we don’t always think logically.

Really, it’s as simple as this. If we can lower our heart rate, it literally relaxes our body. Tension is released, and the adrenalin and cortisol that can cause undue stress and illness if left to circulate for too long, drop.

Here’s where pranayama comes in. One of the best ways for us to drop our heart rate and settle our nerves is by controlling our breath. There are many pranayama practices, but simple things like counting our inhalations and exhalations, pausing between breaths, slowing our breath down and breathing more deeply, are skills anyone can practice daily. And then when times are tough they’re easier to call upon. They’re simple skills, but hard to do in the midst of stress or during anxious moments. It requires conscious thought and practice.

I’ve got so much better at this in the last five years. Sure, sometimes when I feel pain or I’ve been triggered, I still cope poorly. But also I’ve learnt to go easy on myself for being human; I’m still learning and practising to become graceful and wise! Mostly I am mindful of my breath and I know that it helps me enormously; if not immediately during an upset, at least afterwards to help me recover and regroup, and to calm myself down so that I can process my emotions and my fears or hurts.

And in this globally stressful Covid-19 pandemic, if on top of your lifestyle changes you are also worried about getting infected by the virus, pranayama exercises will help strengthen and improve the health of your lungs and respiratory systems. Which has to be a plus.

So perhaps google pranayama, check out Youtube, and learn some really simple skills to simply breathe easier, to lower stress and help you cope with the many challenges currently facing us.

 

Yoga taught me to lower my shoulders and it really works to reduce tension!

Another big help in times of fear, anxiety and confusion, is to consciously, literally, lower your shoulders. Honestly, try it now. Just move your shoulders down, softly, further away from your ears. Sit with that for a moment.

Doesn’t it make you feel instantly calmer and less uptight? And more able to breathe with ease? Try it from time to time and you might find yourself surprised at how stress creeps up on you and tenses your body without you even realising it. Lowering your shoulders is easy and cheap to do, and it works!

 

I learnt to enjoy a slower simpler life, and that it’s good to smile

My third suggestion is to learn to enjoy slowing down. When I first came to Gili Meno I learnt to do that. It’s sort of a given here, it’s the way of life. I left behind a culture that glorifies busyness, one that I’d been a victim of/addicted to for too many years (that’s a topic for another blog still in the making). The first two years here on this little island, I did less. In fact I spent a hell of a lot of time doing almost nothing. Just breathing, and being mindful, and appreciating the beauty of a simple life. Reading. Listening to music. Observing nature. That might seem extreme to many of you, to take a couple of years out and spend it slowing down. I know not everyone is lucky enough to be able to do it, but I honestly believe we all need it and it’d do us all good.

It takes time to slow down. Years and years need undoing. And I sense that many people around the world who have now been staying at home for two weeks or more already, are starting to realise that. It isn’t always easy to slow down.

I’ve seen it now with countless numbers of our guests on Meno. When we first started to rent out one bungalow, we’d often check-in our guests in the morning, then have plenty of time to go to the beach. Later that afternoon we’d see our guests walk past, super fast. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not criticising or judging, and trust me, I used to be one of those people who swore under their breath in crowds or shopping centres when the rude people in front walked “too slow”, because no way did I have time for that! So I found it interesting to watch our guests speed past. Bodies tight. Legs on auto-drive. They wouldn’t notice the turtle who popped his head up in the water beside them. They wouldn’t hear the birds in the trees above the beach.

And yet a few days later, we’d be sitting on the beach and again we’d see our guests walk past. This time, they were walking more slowly. They’d stop every now and then. To gaze over the vast ocean. Pick up a shell or two. Listen to the breeze. Their bodies looked softer and lighter.

It was fascinating the difference. We’ve also had many guests who’ve stayed here for two or four weeks, and all of them express pleasant surprise and gratitude at how they felt even more relaxed over time. 

Now I know there’s a big difference with people being on holiday on a tropical island, and you guys being stuck at home, perhaps having lost your jobs, and facing financial difficulties or separation from loved ones. Or stuck inside with active kids. Some of you aren’t even able to go out in nature, sadly. How many people feel like they’re going stir crazy after a week or two of staying at home? People are bored! But still… My point is, recovery and adjustment usually take time. Our bodies are so attuned to being active, to running out of time, to busily and often chaotically running through our lives only to collapse at the end of the day, wake up and press repeat.

It is sad, but honestly many of our guests over the last few years – and I’m talking mostly young people in their twenties or thirties, from all over the world – have been on the verge of burnout or had already experienced a breakdown. People in western worlds are privileged in so many ways and yet suffer ridiculously high levels of stress. I’ve had many discussions here about the need for all of us to introduce methods into our lives that help us to calm down and decrease stress.

Let’s take this opportunity of staying at home to listen to our bodies and tune into our thoughts, and to be positive about slowing down. Slowing down, simplifying your life, if you let yourself enjoy it, is immeasurably good for your health. I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know; please take some time to think about this and find ways to enjoy your enforced quiet time.

I’m extremely blessed. Even though tourism and the income to our little business has stopped completely. Even though I worry about the health systems here should I get sick. And even though I worry about the Indonesian people who might get ill from the fallout effects of the poverty exacerbated by this virus just as much as from the horrid virus itself. I know I am blessed to be on this quiet, almost-deserted island to sit this real-science-fiction movie out. I have nature and the ocean as peaceful companions, friends on the island and thankfully the wifi to keep socially connected. And, I know how to breathe. I enjoy watching the leaves blowing in the breeze. I enjoy listening to the quiet, and I don’t get bored. There is so much to do, even when sitting at home. Being creative – in my case writing – helps me also. I hope to write more. And I plan to set aside some time to think about my future situation, and to see if there is some way I can help others through this.

I hope the world uses this time to slow down and smell the roses. To enjoy listening to the quiet in the street outside. To shoot the breeze. To be creative. To listen to music. To watch some comedies. To be kind. To help one another. To stay calm. To smile, even if you’re home alone; because you know that when you smile your brain releases feel-good hormones that lower your heart rate and blood pressure.

I hope the world will be a better place, eventually, at the end of this. I have a hope that afterwards people will have different perspectives; ones that better support sickness and mental health, that better support vulnerable people, that encourage working less hours and more working from home, that invite communities to bond and appreciate each other, that promote an appreciation of essential service workers, that level out the gaping disparity between the rich and the poor, and that better look after our planet. In order for that to happen, we need to be wise and calm and mindful during this period of isolation.

Remember to regularly lower your shoulders. Count slowly as you breathe to slow your respiratory rate and heart rate, and send the air deep into your belly to expand your lungs. Close your eyes and smile. Let some good come out of this.