It’s Valentine’s Day again. Ho hum, you say. Or do you shrug and say you have romance in your life all the time and not just today! Or, are you quite excited to do something special tonight?
For most of my life I felt, I suppose like many of you, that Valentine’s Day was overrated. For sure it’s very commercialised. And I wasn’t always too fussed about “romance” either.
But why not? Honestly, why be skeptical today? And what’s wrong with romance?
I’ve chosen instead to say, why not use this day to share love. Showing love is a good thing.
My ex-husband and I were together for 22 years. My memory can be selective, but I do know for sure there was virtually no romance in that relationship. No candlelit dinners or romantic gifts. No thoughtful little treats. For example, in the entire 22 years he bought me flowers just three times. Well, my memory tells me it was three times, but actually I can only remember one of those occasions, because that incident is a bit hard to forget.
It was Valentine’s Day. On his way home from work he stopped at the service station to buy fuel and he saw a bunch of red roses for sale. He proudly presented them to me when he got home, late for dinner as usual. I was a bit gobsmacked when I saw him come in with them, and I asked myself if he was hiding guilt at having an affair (to me, flowers had that connotation). And then I found the whole thing rather hilariously appalling when I noticed the roses had no fragrance at all, and there were blobs of glue on the fabric petals, to make it look like they were real and they’d been freshly sprayed with water drops. My husband hadn’t even realised they were fake. Sigh. That didn’t make me feel very special. It’s the thought that counts right, but perhaps a little more effort would’ve been nice.
But that’s about as romantic as my husband ever got. So for the first 43 years of my life I didn’t really experience any romance. And I thought I was ok with that. Romance was for dreams and movies and books. Soppy stuff.
I’d always told myself I was a horsey down-to-earth practical kinda gal and romance was for girly girls. I didn’t need it. But deep down, when I was being honest with myself, I felt I didn’t deserve romance. A combination of childhood hurts and some shame and guilt I was carrying made me feel that I was the sort of person who would never receive such lovely love.
But oh boy, when later I fell in love with the most beautifully romantic soul and he started spoiling me… boy oh boy did I change my tune and cherish romance. Completely.
Harley knew I’d missed out and he enjoyed how much I appreciated it. He knew how much, perhaps, I needed it. And with him, for the first time in my life, I came to believe I was worthy of love, attention and romance.
Candlelit dinners, picnics, Friday Flowers, dancing in the street, small thoughtful gifts and little surprises became my new life and I loved it. There were also several times where he totally went Hollywood style and romanced me big time.
Like one night after we’d had dinner in a restaurant in the city, and we returned to our hotel, he surprised me by taking me to the function room upstairs. We were completely alone. Red roses, strawberries and chocolates were waiting for us on a tray on top of the grand piano. Champagne was chilling in an ice bucket. Words can not express how blown away I was.
And as he played, I sat beside him on the stool. Beautiful classical pieces. Some fun pop classics. We sang together. Anyone that knew him, knows he was remarkable. I felt like I was in a movie, and yet it was so damn real. And so much fun.
And one Valentine’s Day. It was a Tuesday, but he finished work early and drove the two and a half hours to my place. I arrived home after dark and he was already there to surprise me when I parked my car. He took my hand and we walked down my quiet dead-end street to a pathway that went down to the beach. What I saw there is an image I’ll never forget. He’d lined the entire path with hundreds of brown paper bags filled with sand, and each one had a tea candle burning inside. As you can imagine, it looked simply magical.
At the beach he’d prepared a picnic blanket with more candles, a speaker was playing some of our favourite music, there was take-away Thai food and a bottle of red wine. We dined and laughed and danced alone under the stars.
Then the next morning he got up early and drove the two and a half hours back to work. He put so much thought and creativity and energy into making me feel loved. It was pretty darn amazing and I felt I was the luckiest woman in the world.
I wonder, how does that make you feel, reading that story?
Does it make you yawn? If so, that’s cool, each to their own. Perhaps it makes you feel like you want to vomit? Once upon a time it might have triggered me also. Or does it cause you some envy or sadness. If so, I’m sorry.
I hope, instead, that when you read such a sweet story, you feel happy for me that I experienced those moments of joy. And I sincerely hope too that it brings back some treasured memories of a beautiful time you’ve had yourself.
Why not… allow this little bloggie to help us reflect today, about the value of romance.
Valentine’s Day can be a good reason to share some love for a day! And to remind us to keep a little romance shining in our lives, every day.
Romance makes us feel joy, and makes us feel special. Romance also gives us a chance to experience the pleasure of giving.
By being romantic, we can, for just a moment, be in the moment. Forget our troubles and take us away from the mundanities of everyday life.
To dance and laugh and sing, to be affectionate, to do something a little exciting, to give to someone else, all are beautiful expressions of love.
Romance doesn’t have to be what we see in the movies or books – where love is idealised in a sentimental way. And we all know love isn’t reserved purely for those in love.
If you are in a loving relationship, wonderful! Let this day remind you to give your partner an extra cuddle, put in that little bit of extra effort to make them feel special and truly loved and appreciated. None of that, ‘oh my partner knows I love them, I don’t need to do anything special’ business. Let me share with you one of the biggest gems of advice in life: love does need expression.
And, if you are not in a loving relationship, there’s no reason why you can’t still enjoy some romance. Give yourself a treat! Consciously show yourself some love, put on your favourite song and dance in your living room, run yourself a bath with some candles. Allow yourself to enjoy a special memory. Give yourself a break.
And also give somebody else a little extra care and tenderness. Smile warmly when you pay the cashier at your local store. Here’s a thought – if you follow the example of Harley’s extraordinary gift for making people feel special – maybe even do a little dance with them!
Why not give your work colleagues chocolates, or go out for a drink after work. Or buy a bouquet and give flowers to strangers on the street. Give your pet an extra little cuddle, and let them sit up on the couch beside you for a change 😉.
Romance isn’t just the romantic love of the type I was blessed to enjoy for one chapter of my life. Random acts of kindness can be romantic too! Everybody deserves to receive a little softness and sweetness to help them remember that they are loved, and that they are worthy of love. Sometimes it takes another person to help us believe that of ourselves.
Let’s share the love ❤, this world can always do with a bit more of it.