Yesterday was rather amazing. Cousin Gusti couldn’t come as it was his baby daughter’s 12 day ceremony, and we didn’t have time to pick up Made’s mother, but we hired a big car and 2 uncles – one of whom is his village leader – an aunt and 3 cousins, little OneDay, Made and I went to Mataram to visit Made’s wife and her family.
We arrived, dressed in a simple version of the traditional Balinese Hindu clothing, and as we turned up Made’s wife walked out with his son and Made got to hold him straight away! Just like that, after more than two years of wishing for it…
She then went away and we waited for what seemed like ages for her family posse to come out. Food was offered but nobody touched it.
Eventually about 8 men from her family came out and the men all sat down and bowed to one another in the Hindu greeting of hello and peace. The women sat to the side and Made’s wife and his son sat near me and I ended up spending much of the time smiling at him whilst playing with OneDay.
Holey manoley then the discussion started and to my ears it sounded so intense and the words of Made’s father -in-law sounded rather heated. It is customary for only the leader men to do the talking, so that others don’t make any mistakes with their words. The posses are just there to show support. But at one point Made did speak up to defend himself at an unfair accusation made by the father-in-law.
We arrived, dressed in a simple version of the traditional Balinese Hindu clothing, and as we turned up Made’s wife walked out with his son and Made got to hold him straight away! Just like that, after more than two years of wishing for it…
She then went away and we waited for what seemed like ages for her family posse to come out. Food was offered but nobody touched it.
Eventually about 8 men from her family came out and the men all sat down and bowed to one another in the Hindu greeting of hello and peace. The women sat to the side and Made’s wife and his son sat near me and I ended up spending much of the time smiling at him whilst playing with OneDay.
Holey manoley then the discussion started and to my ears it sounded so intense and the words of Made’s father -in-law sounded rather heated. It is customary for only the leader men to do the talking, so that others don’t make any mistakes with their words. The posses are just there to show support. But at one point Made did speak up to defend himself at an unfair accusation made by the father-in-law.
Made’s Uncle Gede, the leader, spoke calmly and assuredly and it was determined that the past would not be discussed, the past was behind them all and we were there purely to “give back his daughter to his family” (btw Made’s wife is only 25), but most importantly to ensure that Made could now see his son as often as possible.
And just like that it was over. Everyone got up and we walked straight out. I was still in a daze and worried sick that it hadn’t gone well because the father-in-law seemed cold and stern and the meeting had stopped so abruptly.
But they shook hands and we all walked out together. Made gave his wife some money as a gift, plus some new clothes for his son that he was given by western friends a long time ago. And he returned her motorbike. Then he had more hugs with his son, Gede Swantara. Little Gede is very cute and was quiet and calm the whole time. At first he looked at Made’s face with instant curiosity – the sunglasses? the tattoo? – but settled and was happy enough to be held while I took photos and everyone stood around watching.
And so now Made is divorced and can develop a relationship with his son. A wonderful outcome for them both!!!
The story which led up to this situation is sad and unfair, and it is tragic that Made missed out on his son’s first two years, but a resolution was made finally in a swift and amicable and respectful manner by family and traditional methods alone.
But they shook hands and we all walked out together. Made gave his wife some money as a gift, plus some new clothes for his son that he was given by western friends a long time ago. And he returned her motorbike. Then he had more hugs with his son, Gede Swantara. Little Gede is very cute and was quiet and calm the whole time. At first he looked at Made’s face with instant curiosity – the sunglasses? the tattoo? – but settled and was happy enough to be held while I took photos and everyone stood around watching.
And so now Made is divorced and can develop a relationship with his son. A wonderful outcome for them both!!!
The story which led up to this situation is sad and unfair, and it is tragic that Made missed out on his son’s first two years, but a resolution was made finally in a swift and amicable and respectful manner by family and traditional methods alone.